A fourth of the year 2019 is to end. The spring has made everthing vibrant. A brilliant season I can have therefore I asked for a three-day leave. From Friday to today, I have done almost nothing. I have myself been isolated from the noisy world. I am home. For a long time, I can not focus too much on mind to think of something. Since I never know what the next second will happen and I am always been interrupted by trifles. Daily routine always comes one after another. Now I have put trivia away and dumped something unnecessary. By getting rid of those petty little things, the mind turns to be clear. The memory is saved and reorganised to an extent which is going to be fine enough to store new story of my life.The relaxation offers me the chance to read inner peace. The time I sipped the tea I was into the mind palace where I have no companions. I was there by thinking of either nothing or something. The journey of been there took me a long wait to discover. I have never thought about myself so seriously before. It is uneasy to tell the difference between the real part of myself and appearance of what you could see from me. The real self says YES while you see NO from my gesture. Incredibly, that palace has no boundary of dimensions. Or even, it can be only called the chaos. It is full of no smells, colors and sounds, but images of every single memoment of my life. The longer I was at there, the deeper of the well of mind I dug.When I was back, I wake up and know better about myself than ever before. Probably someday, there would be a device to capture the vision from the brain. At least it helps to get back what we lost. We can rebuild it more excellent by means of forgiveness and confession.

We returned to the area 50 years later and left
with millions of our childhood memorizes at Shan Xi province Jie Xiu city again. Today
returns to the city where we spent three years there in 1969-1972. We would
like to find out our houses we lived in before, the street lamp where we played
around with fellows together.

This time we found the city changed a lot,
streets are clean and landscape is appealing. I revisited the place Jie Xiu at
the last year with Tiger, but he hardly understood and caught my feeling when I
walked around the place, but this time I went there with six boys and 7 girls
including my two brothers, I would like to be a listener around them, 50 years
ago, it was really long time, I cannot remember clearly some stories in detail,
that’s why I was willing to join them for four days journey in Shan Xi, even I
was busy my family and Tiger was happy to let me go.

I am the youngest one in among of 13 people, everything
they have planned and prepared properly in advance, such as how many cars and
who with who in one car, I have to say two of them were a really good organizers,
AA is the way for this trip and also we all accept it, one of them to record all
expenses including room charges, meals cost, sightseeing tickets and gasoline
charge. Other one paid first and then he would like claim back afterward.

We started off at early morning 5.15am on
Thursday Jun 20, at the lunch time of the day we arrived the place. It was no
traffic at all on the way, maybe it was not the weekend. The first meal we had
the big round table, talking and laughing from beginning to end, I did many
videos by phone to record the exciting moment.

Revisiting the former remembered the childhood
in three year there. After that we found out the place we living in before, the
rail way was still there even it was no use any more for many years, the part
of old houses were still in, but its went out of cultivation, we were trying to
recall the memorizes where was it, my brothers were very familiar than me, I was
looking for the street lamp there was the spot playing hide and seek in
childhood, to see the old haunt is surely exciting.

Today the former home grounds revisit, did not
have former days to this city loathing instead the heart lives the attachment.
My brother made a banner for photos of this trip, which was expressed our
feeling totally and telling we are back today in searching our roots.

Today is Sep 20 2018，it’s been 7 years since my last bolg here in 2011.How time flies ,I’m now already a daddy with a 2 year old daughter .What a shame that my English is still not very good .I am determined to visit this site as often as I can during the coming year so as to improve my English skills at reading and writing .I wish I would be able to make some new friends in the course as well .

Que sera sera means whatever will be, will be. It is a song which was came from the movie The Man Who Knew Too Much . I saw this movie when I was a freshman in a college. When I heard this song first time , I laughed at the lyric whatever will be, will be, for I thought at that times it was an useless word. Things have done, and of course we could do nothing for it. We had no necessary to talk about it.    By the time goes by, I met lots of things, mostly the bad ones, and the more I met, I can fully understand this word clearly, of course , I cannot agree with it more.    No matter what we do in the past has already past, we can do nothing for it; Though future may depend on our behaviors in the past and now, it is hard to predict whether it will go on our expected ways, too often it may go in a totally different way, which usually beyond our imaginations. What will we do if it comes? Que sera sera.  I have tried my best to fight for something, but I don’t know the result, what will I do? Whatever will be, will be.    There are too many uncertainties in this world, we cannot fully prepare for the things that will come from time to time. The best things we can do is just whatever will be, will be. Things are seldom what they seem. We can only hope for the best , and prepare for the worst. If things are beyond our imaginations, we need no worry or scare, we just cope with them one by one. Things will always be out in their nature courses only if we have some patience and persistence.    Que sera sera. When we armed with this very sword, things will go in an easy way.

I cannot say I love to buy shoe cabinets for
the hill of shoes at home, I must say I have to clear up the shoe which I have
fed it up to my head. I told my daughter many times, please don’t buy too many
shoe, some of them in one style just in different color, we don’t have enough
space for your babies, my dear baby. I don’t understand such her age girl
addition shoe so much, thousand shoe including high heeled shoes, sport shoe,
knee boot and short boot, even some of them are still new with the sticker,
nonmoving item put into corner for long time. Even She and I have the same
size, only a few of pair I can wear it.

I know my daughter has her special eyes for the
shoes, maybe that was my fault for terrible education since beginning. One day
I talked to my daughter seriously, we have to think about how to make it up, I cannot
suffer such mess in our home. I was determined to look the shoe shelf or cabinet
on the internet, I was going to put it into the third floor of Pan Shan home,
even I said before I hate to say the home is the storeroom, but where I can put
it? Throw away? Donate? Second hand selling? No matter how? I have to find the
place first.

Shoe cabinet I only can accept the portable
one, which is easy to make it, that’s why I bought the shoe box like the toy. Please
see the pictures.

The last weekend, Tiger was on business trip, I
was eager to fix it early, I thought it was good time for me to concentrate to
do one thing; otherwise I may clear the room or cook the meal for Tiger once a week.

So on Saturday early morning I drove 80 km away
to PanShan by myself, starting at 7.30 am to install the box following the
instruction step by step. My breakfast is normally after 8.30am, so too early I
did not want to eat anything in front of such big headache, I have to work like
a horse, I am not smart on fix such man thing even there was a paper telling me
the procedure, after one or two hours, please the picture, the shoe box was
build up. And then I was starting put the shoes one by one into the boxes, I
realized there were about 120 piece more till 1.30am, it took me about six
hours, unbelievable it was done by myself! I forgot the time, I can not stand
up with my terrible waist.

My daughter blame me afterward, Mama, if you
had something emergency in the single room, nobody knew where you are? How dangerous
you are? I love my daughter; she is sensible and thoughtful for her parents. I can
do anything for her and I have no any complains.

Seven days holiday of this National Day, Everybody or
every family had the plan for the travelling at the golden season at the long
time ago. Tiger and I were invited to join the wedding ceremony at Shan Xi
province, we bought the high speed rail tickets to Tai Yuan city first and then
somebody picked us up by car to be there. It was a great arrangement I must say
so.

I will write the following blog for the special
wedding for sure, but today I would like tell my dream was really realize at
this trip.

My parents all worked in the institute of Biological
Product for the life, at the beginning of 70s years. To be the party members
they all eagerly responded to work at the poor regions in China. There were one
third about more than 80 families including my family were delegated to Jie Xiu
county of Shan Xi province for three years. I was a little girl at the time, I
cannot remember the thing clearly, my brothers were the school boys, they
always mention to me how poor we were and eating Sorghum flour instead of food
all the time, I only remember we lived in the single storey house 15 square
meters with 5 people, very limitation space for girl and boys live together. But
I can recall we went to the hill at the back of house to pick up wild small dates,
which was very prick the hands.

This trip was mainly for the wedding and then Tiger’s
brother will meet us by car at the famous Ping Yao ancient city. I was realized
the way from the wedding to Ping Yao was passed by Jie Xiu city, and we had
enough time to meet his brother. Tiger knew what my dream was, that was the
great if we have the chance to go to Jie Xiu I have mentioned before many
times. So I cannot believe that Tiger changed our way to my dream place first.

I called my brother to tell the address of the place
we can follow GPS to be there very smoothly, even we had asked somebody on the
way, we were there. The place was becoming a training centre, because of the
holiday, there was nobody there except the door man, the luckily there was one
family live there, I was excited to tell why I came here they fully understood
my emotional and happy to took me walk around the place, and told me the story
here after we left. Some of house has been dismantled, luckily a few houses
left liked Historical site, I wanted the time to stop and listen more stories
happened here, trying to recall my poor memories at the 40s years ago.

How great dream for many years I realized today, I was
so happy and thank Tiger gave me the chance to be here, even our time was
limit, I took many photos to stop motion as I can, I have so many words to
write about my feeling when I was there, let’s me paste the photos here.

The Dragon Boat Festival is around the corner. Just half month ago, I received a big box of rice dumplings from my friend. Thanks to her hospitality so I could enjoy that yummy food in advance. Every year at this time as long as I go home, I have a great time of rice dumplings. The rice dumplings made by mom are twice as big as those on the market. Not only the rice dumplings, but also everything she made has larger size. She has the talent to cook which is the luck for me to have delicious food. If I was home by having food instead of doing exercises, surely, I will gather flesh. In terms of food, just eat. Apart from becoming fatty, everything else is fine. I can remain figure by means of workout.

To sort rubbish into different bins is such a headline. Not only in cities in Beijing and Shanghai, but also in more cities will carry out regulations according to which people are asked to deal rubbish correctly with right bins, or they are likely to be fined. This on some level does help us to cultivate a good habit and we are not to throw everything we consumed easily. Compared to fine, advocation of encouragement is much more effective. By doing so, positively, it can let people realize the importance of environment protection. Those who perform well can be awarded with something by the record of their good deeds. For example, supermarkets can deliver coupons to customers who are with credible record in environment protection. This is the project made by public and done by everyone. Therefore we can do it well in almost every public business.

Tomorrow is the last working day before we start on
the vacation mode, so during the past days, we are busying with all kinds of
summary and set up detailed target for the New Year. As normal, we should
finish the evaluation by myself and our boss, I don’t think the pay rise based
on the performance of last year, mostly, it is a formalism in my mind. I have
the experience that I did good performance the year before last, but, actually
a raise proportion is much lower than average, my boss send me off with words that
the salary you get already achieve the
top ceiling in your position. So he can do nothing. You know, at that moment, I
really want to punch him directly, but, I can’t because I have a family to
support, so I have to endure the grievance. During the past year, I interviewed
several companies, but none of them paid more than this company so that I stayed
here one more year. I decided if my boss still didn’t provide me with ideal
percentage for a raise, I will directly argue with big boss in company,
because, I believe that the performance I did last year is higher than average
level at least. The salary increase will be announced after the Spring Festival
and need to sign up on paper. Currently, I don’t know whether I can get what I am
expected, at least it couldn’t less than average level. Let’s wait and see…

Again, students go back to school today. It also reminds me of the time I went to school for first time. That was great time studying at school. After graduation from the college, I started to realise it is quite different from what I learnt from school. In practice, experience gained by hardship on work. Meanwhile it is hard to focus to read, study after work, since I am oppcupied by the petty things and sometimes even exhausted. One day, I told myself that I should not continue this kind of lame life. In order to start the new life, I began to change myself. I stepped out and made the decision to run around. I could hardly breathe. The image of vicotry encouraged me to proceed with the rest way to finish off. I forced myself to read. I did not like books at a very young age, now I get the importance of reading. Those who are fond of books never feel it a problem to read a book whether it is a long story or not. It is said the society is a school for everyone. What we learnt before is just part of the social school. Never too late to learn.