You need to be happy to fight against the cancer.
Actually, it’s not some crazy story, but on the contrary it’s a scientific theory.
You see, when you are happy, your body create some chemistry which will boost
your immune system, and your immune system plays a critical role, it is your
most important weapon to win this battle.

But it’s paradox. Cancer, after all, is not
something pleasant. You have to go to the hospital every day, a place always
over-crowded and filthy. You get in a long, long line to have your whole body
scanned, CTed and MRIed; you sign the papers which remind you of the worst
consequence of every check, like death; you are surrounded with cancer patients
and you see fear, despair, anger, weak, and suffering in every face. Of course,
and there is the pain following you everywhere. It’s easier to handle it when
you are misdiagnosed. I mean, what’s the big deal about inflammation? But now, you
know it’s helpless cry from your body under the attack of cancer, which is
ruthless multiplying and tearing your life apart.

And I’m just talking about the first phrase,
which is relatively the easier part.

You see, it’s really hard to feel happy
under such circumstance. Still, there are some tips.

First of all, imagination. Every time when I
laid down in CT or MRI machine, I imagined myself in a space craft—you have to admit
there are some similarities. I imagined next minute, I would be transferred to
a faraway galaxy where I was going to fight with some monster. It relieved me from
anxiety every time. Or you can just close your eyes, summoning the best moments
of your life.

Sometimes, if it’s really hard to be happy,
you can transfer all your fears, frustrations, and sufferings into a sort of
anger, a deafening inner cry: “I WILL NOT DIE LIKE THIS”.

Trust me, it helps.

What makes
miracle especially exciting and exhilarated is that there’s no sign when they
will happen. As fragile, broken and not a whole as I am now, I still believe
miracle will happen. It will come at any moment, perhaps not today, perhaps not
next month, but one year from now, who knows? There’re things I can image from
right now to make sure I’m prepared when miracle happens and I’m in a good
shape again.

Here are
three things I want to do: run, travel and hold. Run, means run as fast as I can,
with cheerful sweat shinning under the morning sunlight—not this suffocating
sweat wrapping up my fragile body right now, no, I want to sweat from running,
exciting and vitality. Travel means explore the outside world, to go as far as I
can. I want to bring my mum to Tibet, I want to visit to France and Italy, the
world is big and there are so many places I want to see. And finally, hold
means to hold on to life, hold on to a good, healthy habit, hold on to the ones
I love. That is the key.

Stay away
from fears and horrible thoughts that could fall over on you. Those mental escapes
can help you if you’re trapped at bed or in hospital, but what if you feel so lightheaded
that you can’t focus, that even your imaginations can’t break free from the
limits of your broke body, where your heart beats so fast that it drowns out
almost everything? You want to lie down, close your eyes, and save your strengths
for the next round fight. Just remember, it’s a long-time battle. Occasionally being
defeated means nothing.

If you are
able to get off the bed, take a walk, breathe some fresh air. Get yourself
ready and miracle will come.

I was getting
drunk without actually drinking alcohol and it was not any slightly tipsy, but
that totally blank-out, memory loss, complete kind of drunk. It was very bizarre,
really.

Before I
went to the hospital for my fifth chemotherapy, I took ten tablets of DXMS as
usually. But when I arrived at the hospital, I started to feel lightheaded. And
it was getting worse by the minutes.

Soon I fell
into the state of dissociation, in which the whole world seemed to be dreamlike
and unreal.

The
following day was cut into many tiny pieces, and I only got some of the
fragments, but most of them had blended and lost in the foggy memories of my
mind.

I kind
of remembered that I could not walk the straight line when I came down to take
my targeted drugs. I almost lost balance and bumped into the staff from
Sinopham.

And
then there was so many people getting in line for the next elevator. Just the
thought of joining them and cramming myself into a tiny, over-crowded place
made me even more light headed, so I decided to climb the stairs.

I
couldn’t make it. I slipped on the way and fell down from the stairs. I remembered
a doctor rushed to me and helped me up. But I couldn’t remember clearly about her
face. She might ask for help, because there were a few more doctors coming
after that.

What
happened next was a blur, disconnected and unreal. When I looked back, I had to
think really hard to rescue some wrecks of my memories from this sinking ship.

How
they called my husband, when my parents came to the hospital, how did they take
me to get a brain scan—I had no memory of these things.

My
husband even had to sign a high-risk notification!

I slept
on and off but even I woke up, I was still in a dreamlike situation. But even
under such situation, I somehow managed to finish my reading notes—what kind of
obsessive person I am!

The
only possible explanation for this bizarre situation is that I probably took
ten sleeping tablets instead of DXMS—I was in a kind of hurry, and these two
look very similar.

I was
lucky that I didn’t get myself seriously injured. My cancer has already transferred
to my bones, so my bones break easily. Somehow when I fell down from the floor,
I just got some blues. That’s almost a miracle.

Can I look for a better myself? I hate myself! I hate myself without putting enough effort to pursue what I want! I hate myself being easily giving up. I hate myself lose the passion for doing things. I hate myself without a clear aim and stick to it. I don’t have friends to talk and share the things. That maybe one of the reasons why I can not relief from the pressue. It is panaroid! Is it destiny for living a lonely life. Without loved one to care and nobody to care about self. It is such darknest life, is it worthwhile to live a life like this. What a shameful to myself. Like a deserted man. Do I have capability to fight back? Do I weapon up myself so that I can defend the attack from the society. Time is cruel and fair for everyone. I can not blame the fate, society and others too. What I can blame is myself. Do I really have a try? Have a try to make the better life? I can not answer this question! I am not ready for answering it . I hope that this is not an excuse. I do not understand myself sometimes as what I said before. Life is mysterious. Like a puzzle and wait to disclose. Take a sigh and have a rest. Hopefully, do not lose the courage to continue the life journey for everyone

had neve liked this godswood she had been born a ,at riverrun far to the south,on the red fork of the t the godswood there was a garden bright and airy where tall redwoods spread dappled shadows across tinkling sreams,birds sang from hidden nests and the air was sspocy with the secent of flowers the gods of winterfell kept a different sort of wood ,it was dark, primal place 3  acres if old forest untouched for 10 ten thousand years as the gloomy castle reose around it ti smelled of moist eatth and decay no redwoods grew here this was a wood of stubborn sentinel trees armored in grey-green needles of mighty oaks of ironwoods as old as the realm itself here thick black trunks crowded close together while twisterd branches wove a dense canpoy overhead and misshapen roots wrestled beneath the soil.this was a place of deep silence and brooding shadows and the gods who lived here had no names.    but she knew she would find her husband here tonight whenever he took a mans life afterward he would seek the quiet of the godswood ca had been anointed with the seven oids and named in the rainbow of light that filled the sept　of riverrun she was of the faith like her father and grandfather and his father before him her gods had names and their daces were as familiar as the aces of her parents worship was a septon with a censer the smell of incense a sevensided

During the past week, I was just like fighting without no-stop. I felt extremely exhausted, unfortunately, the terrible trend will be started from next Monday to Friday day again. I should have a good rest to deal with the following things. What's more, the customer will come to our plant with complaints. Some issues we need to discuss with customer which needs to provide the reasonable explanation. Currently, we have no idea regarding some issues, I don't know what will happen whether the customer will yell at us. Basically, it will not happen, but, we should do the worst preparation in advance. The customer just gave us the praise last week, but, today we received the complaint from customer quickly even we don't adapt ourselves accordingly. Anyway, the next week will be a tough week, basically, the big challenge is not how we handle these issues that customer took, is the how to balance the internal sources to solve these issues to make sure they don't occur during the next built. As most of guys knew in office, the relationship is complicated in our department even can't work on one case that's a really painful thing. Sometimes, as subordinate I really don't like working such atmosphere. But, the actual situation is like this, we have no power making it change, but to accept it. Once I have to coordinate resource internally. I will feel powerless, because it is really a difficult job.

Some positives and negatives points as below:

l Set
achievable aims

l Plan
ahead

l Out
of control

l Unrealistic
expectations

l Lack
of foresight

l Stay
on track

Step 1 – Create a sense of urgency

It’s not enough
for change to simply be a good idea – people need to understand why they need
to act now. Make the objectives real and relevant with an honest and convincing
dialogue about what’s happening in the marketplace and why the change is
necessary.

Step 2 – Build the guiding team

Bring
together a group of people with the right mix of skills from across the company
to plan ahead and be the driving force behind this change. Select people who
want to work on this change rather than those who have to, Have them brainstorm
all possible complications – a lack of foresight at this stage is one of the
key reasons some changes fail to stick.

Step 3 – Create a vision

Have this
team establish a clear idea of the desired outcome to give people a sense of
where they’re heading. When people can see the vision for themselves, then they
can focus on the initiatives that are needed to achieve it. Be careful to avoid
setting unrealistic expectations however – you don’t want to set the team up
for disappointments later.

Step 4 – Engage people

Involve as
many staff as possible by giving them opportunities to act and ensuring these
actions are supported and encouraged, The more people who feel empowered by
doing what they want to do rather than what they have to do, the more likely
the change will occur.

Step 5 – Remove obstacles

Consider any
possible barriers to achieving the vision, These could be existing hierarchies,
processes or even people who refuse to participate, Eliminating these barriers
builds the necessary freedom and empowerment that allows people to move forward
with making the change.

Step 6 – Create short term wins

Set
achievable aims that can quickly deliver positive results for your team. Then
celebrate when those aims are met. Nothing motivates more than success and
celebrating these achievements prevents negative thinkers from hurting the
progress of the change.

Step 7 – Sustain the change

Real change
takes time so continue to celebrate achievements as you meet future goals, If
you run into problems, deal with them as soon as possible. Don’t risk undoing
your progress just because the change is now official, as even at this stage a
negative situation can quickly get out of control.

Step 8 – Formalize the change

Reinforce the
successful change by making it policy, This ensures that the values and
initiatives are seen day-to-day in the company and that existing and future
company leaders continue to support the vision and help the change stay on
track.

I plan to write a story for record some of new words that it is convenience for remember them . This is a magnificent(令人惊叹的） story which is from a grownup girl , I encounter ( 相遇）with her the 1st time in a isolate（孤单的） village , she looks so fatigue(疲惫）, I tried to find out if there are the 2nd person with her , but not successful , it is astonishment（惊奇） for me , why she lived here , the zone is not suit for normal person habitation （居住）, no foods , no traffic ……,when she is hungry and thirsty , she will be fatigued（疲惫） and fainted（昏倒. all things are disobey (违抗）and absurd (荒唐）,I went to her house and saw a lot of pictures on the wall and ground , all of pictures are masterpiece(杰作）， I deeply pondered(思索） ,is she a famous painter? what is tiresome(令人厌倦） and disheartened（沮丧的） for her ？ I plan to closed her ,looks more intimately (亲密的）, sensible (通晓事理) and indulgently(宽容的）……..

Delay one week to update chapter 2 than my original plan. it is a magic when I stepped into the room , all pictures are performed a energy and spirit , different style with different scene .and covered spring ,summer ,autumn ,winter season ,there are quiet and active , happiness and sadness ,silence and sound ,every thing are perfect combination ……,the feeling has come to another planet , in fact ,you stay the earth and this room without remove . when you want to sympathy some thing , you felt it not really bad, so you just saw, thought and felt ……, it is a cruel when you want to interrupt these …..

The girl came in when I was lost in thought this scene, I was really shocked when she stay my right closely , Her foot steps are so slightly and softly.so that I can carefully to see her face , her eyes ,nose and skin ….. am I dreaming now ? am I meet an fairy ? ….. too much astonished for me . after then I heard a softly and proudly sounds “ I spent two years to complete these drawing . there are like my children ,I clearly remember all moment that why I draw ,what I plan to draw ,how to implement …..”.