As the collection of books, I have stored some ones, old and new, and with the version of Chinese and English from home and abroad. They range from ancient history to modern novels and other fields. And half of them are in the version of English. Because of work which occupies much of my time, I seldom own the time to read. But I still do it so long as I am available. I seize the fragments in all aspects of life. I do that between fragments in cooking, bathing, etc. Though I bought a kindle which is convenient to read at anywhere, I still have some paper based books which are now fully stored in two bookshelves.Every time, I sit in front of bookshelves, I admire by watching those books staying silently. They are alive and I can strongly feel their spirits when I look through pages. What a nice experience by admiring them, even I do not read just by sitting right there face to face.Recently, I gradually read more than I did before. And I feel it is necessary to do that systematically. In the process of learning and studying, acquiring knowledge and digesting the wisdom and finally absorbing them, I can be more intelligent and humble. I am only a drop of water in the ocean.It could be impossible to walk into a dead end if I sharpen eyes by means of reading. I have such a tense feeling which is stronger than any of my past life time. I should learn and never stop. I will consider buying one more bookshelf if more books are coming into the room.

This word was so impressive in my mind. More than ten
years ago when I worked in one of international hotel, one training teacher
from Canada gave us the lesson about the discussion the leadership. Foreign
teacher was much different with our Chinese teacher, at the first 5 minutes of
the class, She wrote the big word on the white board “brainstorming”, nobody
knew what’s the meaning of it, I checked my dictionary under the table
carefully, how come I did not find it out from it, I felt so embarrassing when
she was calling me on the class, She was trying to explain the meaning in many
ways, I just knew it roughly. That’ why I have never forgotten this word till
today.

Brainstorming is a creative technique used by group to
find possible ideas or solutions for a specific problem. Ideas are written down
as members of group think of them. There is no analysis of the ideas at the
time.

The most important thing is to let group members know
that there are no bad ideas in brainstorming. The point is to gather as many
ideas as possible. There should be no judgment ideas can be evaluated later.
People should feel free to say whatever they think of. Even crazy or wild ideas
– thinking outside the box – should be welcomed. You never know which ideas
will turn out to be the best ones. Sometime ideas can also be combined.

Brainstorming doesn’t always generate the best ideas,
but it can build trust among group members and encourage people to speak more
freely without fear being judged. It can help a team come together and building
a strong team.

Now I have fully understood the meaning of the word.

From yesterday I’ve heard a dozen stories
about whose auntie, or cousin, or sister once had breast cancer and now they
all survive and already came back into their normal life. It’s comforting, much
better than you google question like “How long I could live with breast cancer?”.
It’s comforting but it’s just not enough.

Somehow fear still materializes and breaks into
my life. Like, my back hurts like hell. Before the news, I thought it was
just from my stiff back, but now I have to face with another possibility: it
has transferred.

So many
things have still remained unknown, and the unknown is the scariest of all.
Without further tests, I don’t know which stage I am in, what kind of it is, or
how much chances I have.

My husband
cried. He is so sensitive to healthy issue. The shock has been very bad for
him. Luckily, my son is now living with my parents. So we could still keep it
from him. Today I told him over the phone that I would send him to his math class
this Saturday, but I don’t know if I could manage it, and where I will be this
Saturday, the hospital or home?

I would
miss his graduation day. It would be the first time that I wouldn’t be there
for him and I feel so terrible about that. I just wish I could be there at his
first day in Middle School.

There is
surgery, chemotherapy, and a long time in hospital
waiting ahead. On the surface, I’m doing OK. I’m the master of “I’m fine”,
inside, I am scared. It’s like carrying a bomb inside your body, and you don’t
know when it will go off, what damage it will bring and what kind of shape you
will be after the explosion.

God bless
us.

It takes hundreds of years to degrade plastic molecues since this high-molecue compound is steady because of its chemical bond. Products of plastics are found everywhere and in many fields. They are used as shopping bags, packing materials. Besides, it used as parts and material from appliances and even in high-end technology field.We benefit from this material, meanwhile suffering the threat from its pollution. Since the long-time-degradation, it can not precisely predict what the exact time a plastic item is to totally degrade. Dumped plastics are scattered and located everywhere. Its trace rangs from the Everest to the Mariana Trench. Plastics can be found in stomaches from fish. Soaking in sea water too long, it degrades into water becoming plastic solution which contains high portion of its molecules. As a matter of fact, those molecules still remain the feature of plastics. The steady molecular structure guarantees its existence in a very long time.This pollution dysfunctions the ecosystem but humankind at present has no concrete and effective ways to solve this tough issue. At the top of food chains, we finally ask for it if there is still no method to tackle with it.As individuals, at least, there is something we can do to prevent it from worsening. Garbage classfication is to advocate in public. To improve public awareness of environment protection is another priority. From now on, we must start it. We can bring a cloth bag to the supermarket.

This week I continued to work overtime except Wednesday. The trend will last to next Wednesday until the expert from American plant comes back. During the past several day, it is really tough time for me, I can't have a good rest under big pressure and tons of workload. To make my cray is that my boss wants to assign more to me, of course, I immediately refuse his unreasonable demands. This time our conservation is different before.I didn't lose my temper, neither did he. Maybe we are known each other that can find a proper way to discuss or argue one case. The final result of conversation is to escalate to his boss to make the further decision. As return, I told him that I never accept any extra work no matter who wants to discuss with me in privacy.    rom my side, I think if I can well handle current job without mistake is a challenge. I don't want to sacrifice my free time too much focused on working, I would like to get a good balance between work and leisure. Maybe, my opinion is not accepted by someone else, but I think I should stick to my ideas and follow up my heart. Anyway, pull myself together and go to bed early today, to meet another busy day tomorrow.

It's been a pretty long time that I have no opportunity to sit in front of computer to write down something regarding my daily work. Actually, we are too busy focusing on the new project, based on period of one month work hare, I find there are many places where I need to further improve in the next working, it not only lack of experience accumulation, but lack of effective efficiency. Sometimes, I felt disappointed regarding my performance why I can't do a little better. To be frank, I am not a smart man during working and daily life even I am a little clumsy so that I am never strict with myself, because I don't want to push me a lot. Unfortunately, in real life, if I can't keep on going I will be in danger, because there are more and more young people will go ahead of you even one day they instead of my position if I continue to indulge in my own world.so I told myself today, I needed to make a change no matter what happens in the future, I need to learn something new. I really don't want to see, I can't find a new job if I left current position one day and also I hope I can make progress step by step from quantitative accumulation to qualitative leap someday.

The bad mood is always around me and it even impacts my daily life. Sometimes, I am wondering whether I can't manger my own time so that I feel busy with upset, or can I keep a better status as before. No doubt, recently the workload makes me coking so that I couldn't help shouting at somebody. This change I already knew, but, I would like to say it really hard to make those change in a short time. Even though I already express my opinion and current situation to my supervisor even my supervisor's boss. But, the final decision is to keep the current status before new employees were recruited. I feel disappointed but can do nothing, because, I don't make a decision leaving here immediately, due to I have a family to support, before I get a new job I can't do anything that make my repentant later. When I calm down, I told me everything will be fine after each tough time. But, this time, I felt hard to control myself not only the outsider environment changed but the internal situation is changed quickly. It is obvious that I feel most of us can't stand this working style any more. But, I know it isn't reached the breaking point. I believe if the current situation will continue to a long time, it will quickly beak out full-scale explosion. I don't want to see the day happens, I expect the current situation could become better gradually. Can I see what I expected? I have no idea.    

I killed time before the TV and computer
day and night. My deserted Confucian classics have been covered with a thick
layer of dust.

日夜屏前付流水，詩書閒置被塵灰。Now that I’ve realized my misbehavior, I must
mend my ways at once from tonight. I continued my daytime reading by candle-light when darkness
set in.

知錯當改今夕始，焚膏油兮以繼晷。

C Diary: The
things you might not know. About medical cost, there are two general
conceptions. One: your social security (in urban) can cover about 90% fee. Two:
Sometimes how long you could live depends on how much money you have. They are
paradox, but both are relatively true. How could that be? Let me tell you my
story.

I have been
misdiagnosed for three whole months. My cancer has already spread, and I have multiple
tumors. In such condition, we naturally want to be treated in the best hospital
we could find. Huaxi hospital, with its advanced instruments and excellent
staffs, is the best hospital in Sichuan, probably even the best in South West China.
But you need to know two things about Huaxi before you go there.

First, it
is extremely over-crowded, which means there you need to wait for a long time
for almost everything. Even it opens
green channel for all cancer patients. Recently there was a case against Huaxi
hospital. A liver cancer patient, non-resident, wanted to have radiation
treatment in Huaxi. He made the appointment, signed the paper, paid the bill
and then was told to come home, waiting for the further notice. His family
rented an apartment nearby and waited and waited. Three months later, the patient
died. The call never came. His family sued the hospital but can never win the
case. The paper they signed almost free Huaxi from everything. And you can’t
say it’s Huaxi’s fault. Too many patients, limited resources and hands. Of course,
if you have money and social network, it’s another story.

Second, it’s
expensive. All the tests you have gone through must be done in outpatient department
because their beds are extremely limited. Unfortunately, your social security only
covers your hospitalization fee. I have one commercial insurance, which can
cover my outpatient expenses 7 days prior to hospitalization. It took me two
weeks to go through all the tests. Still this insurance relieves me of some burden.

The first
difficult personal decision I have to make is to choose chemo medicine. I got
three choices: the Domestic, for which my social security can covers 90%; the Imported,
for which my commercial insurance can help; the Self-paid, which is in the A1 recommendation
list for breast cancers, the best one we probably can find, but we have to purchase
it in a pharmacy shop, which means all the cost is totally on ourselves. If
things go well, I probably need to go through 8 chemo treatments, which makes
around 100000 RMB in total.

And that is
just the beginning. Sometimes, money can buy your life.

My breast
cancer entered the stage of four around 2 months ago, roughly the same time
that my son was going to start a new chapter of life: middle school.

The treatment
of breast cancer in China have been very systematic and successful. It’s
important for any patient to open your heart, to keep faith and have doctors
treating it know about your conditions.

It is the first
step of primary importance. For me personally it’s already one of my first
priority and one of the most important weapons to face with this war: let go of
my burdens, carry forward lightly and mostly importantly don’t let it ruin my life
completely. That’s why I still keep learning English. It makes me feel good.
Under such conditions, I can still make progress and better myself.

The tyranny
of this disease and the massive number of the patients is just an example of
how careless modern Chinese must have been towards our health. And ultimately
these terrifying numbers from health bureau will serve as a warning notice
today and will continue to do so for generations to come.

The
following is a message from the bottom of my heart to this crisis of my life:

To breast
cancer:

I hate you
for everything, the time that you force me to waste in hospital and the time
that you threaten to take away from me. For all the sufferings and pains you
have brought to my body. For making me look awful, shaving my head, putting on
my weight, and flecking my face with ugly spots. Because of your sinful smile
at the wrong time. That’s why I hate you.

And for
attacking me when I feel like I can’t go on any longer. For weighing me down
when I want to have a run. For destroying my memories, for hurting me in this cruel
way when nobody else does. That’s why I hate you.

Because
when you threaten to take away my life, you give me reasons and I have to fight
back. Because you have turned my life upside down, and you have given my eyes
the glasses to look at the world differently. Because with you by my side, I have
to be stronger and tougher. That’s why I hate you but I still thank you… And
for the infinite reasons that I discover every day.