I was getting
drunk without actually drinking alcohol and it was not any slightly tipsy, but
that totally blank-out, memory loss, complete kind of drunk. It was very bizarre,
really.

Before I
went to the hospital for my fifth chemotherapy, I took ten tablets of DXMS as
usually. But when I arrived at the hospital, I started to feel lightheaded. And
it was getting worse by the minutes.

Soon I fell
into the state of dissociation, in which the whole world seemed to be dreamlike
and unreal.

The
following day was cut into many tiny pieces, and I only got some of the
fragments, but most of them had blended and lost in the foggy memories of my
mind.

I kind
of remembered that I could not walk the straight line when I came down to take
my targeted drugs. I almost lost balance and bumped into the staff from
Sinopham.

And
then there was so many people getting in line for the next elevator. Just the
thought of joining them and cramming myself into a tiny, over-crowded place
made me even more light headed, so I decided to climb the stairs.

I
couldn’t make it. I slipped on the way and fell down from the stairs. I remembered
a doctor rushed to me and helped me up. But I couldn’t remember clearly about her
face. She might ask for help, because there were a few more doctors coming
after that.

What
happened next was a blur, disconnected and unreal. When I looked back, I had to
think really hard to rescue some wrecks of my memories from this sinking ship.

How
they called my husband, when my parents came to the hospital, how did they take
me to get a brain scan—I had no memory of these things.

My
husband even had to sign a high-risk notification!

I slept
on and off but even I woke up, I was still in a dreamlike situation. But even
under such situation, I somehow managed to finish my reading notes—what kind of
obsessive person I am!

The
only possible explanation for this bizarre situation is that I probably took
ten sleeping tablets instead of DXMS—I was in a kind of hurry, and these two
look very similar.

I was
lucky that I didn’t get myself seriously injured. My cancer has already transferred
to my bones, so my bones break easily. Somehow when I fell down from the floor,
I just got some blues. That’s almost a miracle.