The past ideals of fame and position have
lost their attractions to me. I never envy other people’s possession of wealth,
beauties and power any more. I’ m satisfied with my circumstances at present. The only hope I have
is to live healthily until a peaceful and natural death. I witnessed the death
of father and wife one after another, both suffering long from illness on their
deathbeds and needing a full‐time attending. Now it’s mother’s turn. She should be thinking lucky
to be tended carefully without lacking anything necessary. But she has been
almost always nursing some rage and complaining endlessly regardless of my
persuasion. I wish I won’t be so irritable and annoying as mother at the last stage of my
life. I long to be able to take care of myself by then because son can be
hardly reliable.